Another year, another goal, another "great new idea"...Who am I kidding? I have these "enlightened breakthrough moments" all the time. I hear lots that I should "write a book" or "write all these experiences down"....mostly, I hear this from my parents--and, then...mostly from my mother. Honestly, I can't imagine how anyone would be remotely interested in anything I had to say. I can't fathom how my writing a book or anything would be the least bit entertaining or even generate any sort of income. God forbid I tell all of my secrets from the past, even in anecdotal form. The only thing "good" I can see coming from this would be to record what's left of any memory from my past so as to say, "Hey! I was pretty cool way back then!" or "Hey! I was going through some crazy stuff!" Or worse. I could incriminate myself, or remember things out of chronology, or omit things for whatever reason. Bottom line is: it seems pretentious to write about myself and expect anyone to read it without compensation. And, I guess, if you think about it and collected the years of notes....I already have been doing this. I see a therapist. On average, she listens and records ( I would think) all of my thoughts, fears, resentments, failures, successes, and dreams twice a month. I've just taken the easy route, if there is one. I just ramble on or rage or cry or laugh or sit in silence all the time. I guess I will at least attempt to put these random or well-thought out "ideas" in written form for myself...for now. Until I decide I don't want to any more or I cannot be bothered. And, if you're that one random person who literally has nothing else better to do but stumble upon any of this: my sincerest apologies. I will disappoint you, I'm quite sure...as I tend to disappoint everyone around me--mostly myself...or my mother. Depends on who you ask and at what moment that you ask. Either way, I will be wrong, and none of this will matter.
What does matter at this moment is that I choose to be proactive and to "do better" for myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps one day--financially. In order to move forward, though, I had to pick the "right time"...and, just because it's 3:40 AM on 3/18/2014 does not mean that I'm not serious about transforming my life and myself for the better. I've been doing that for awhile. It just means that I finally found the time to actually record it somewhere in a somewhat cohesive form--when I find out when that is, I'll be sure to update everyone. :)
